i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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