Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize