I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
