I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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