On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize