Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
