im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
