Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
