New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
