your room smells of hookers.
And success
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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