May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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