Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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