i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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