and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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