my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
