and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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