Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
