I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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