Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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