Screwed.edu
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
