So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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