You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
