How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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