one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
