Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
