I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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