So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
