how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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