They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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