Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
