Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize