I think I died a long time ago.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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