It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
