I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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