so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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