How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
