I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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