oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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