when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
