we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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