cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
