You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
