so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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