Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
