I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
