I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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