But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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