John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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