using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
