drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
3pm strippers are depressing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
