my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize