Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
