You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
