I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
