so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
