Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
