dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
