I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
