It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
