The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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