Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize