At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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