true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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