so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
