Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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