why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
