I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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