I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
