Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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