Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
