I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
