Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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