this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
