We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
