I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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